<This took place about 4 months after my “Born Again” night. See my first post if you don’t know what that means.> After my mission trip to Honduras, I came back with a little bit of every single feeling/emotion in the history of mankind... Bitterness, anger, sadness, confusion, hopelessness, joyful, blame, quiet, uneasy, happy, proud, nervous, excited, hatred, guilt, did I mention bitterness? Oh and more bitterness. The short trip completely flipped my world upside down and I was more confused than ever. I experienced the presence of God and Satan more times than I can count during that week. It was my first mission trip and nobody could prepare me for the emotional and spiritual battles I would encounter. When I returned home I went through different stages over the next year or more… I was sad to leave and I missed the people there. The next phase was confusion…was I supposed to be a missionary? Was I supposed to go back after college and teach those poor, some homeless and orphaned mountain children their ABC’s and Jesus' love and promises? Why was I born in the US if my heart longed to be somewhere else? Another phase was one that stuck by my side through thick and thin and was fully committed to making my life miserable! You guessed it, bitterness. I was bitter towards almost everyone, everything, every business, restaurant, school, church, cars (yes I know, crazy) and everything else you can think of. Innocent children were the only ones who escaped my hardened heart but their parents sure didn’t! The bitterness was coming from a deep root in my inner being that I never knew existed. I didn’t understand how I could live in such a self-absorbed, greedy, never satisfied, self-centered country. There was never one direct event that changed my heart either. It came down to my own selfishness that I couldn’t stand. I heard a podcast the other day that said “If there is something that you can’t stand about someone, go home and look in the mirror and take a good hard inventory of yourself and see if there is any of that “thing” you can’t stand lingering inside of you.” I realized it was much harder (so I thought at the time) to have strong faith, fully trust in God with every aspect of my life, and have as close of a relationship with Jesus in the United States. It would be easier if I could just move to Honduras and not have to work at my relationship with Him as hard as I was going to have to where I was born. It was a process that took time, soul searching, and really figuring out what a relationship with my Father looked like for my life. I can thankfully say that I now know what is like to have a solid relationship with my Jesus regardless of what I have or don’t have, like or don’t like, experience or don’t experience.
The challenge is this: Discover for YOURSELF who Christ is, what relationship you have with Him, why you believe what you believe, and truly living the life He has planned for you. I’m tired of our generation (and others) not standing up for what they believe, saying and doing what is right and honest regardless of the earthly consequences. The most important thing in this life is Him and loving, serving, and caring for others like Jesus would. I’m not a fan of luke warm believers and neither is God. Be obedient. Challenge yourself. Challenge others. Help each other. Be accountable. Be transparent. Love like Christ loves. Follow your heart. Be crazy radical compared to the rest of this world. Trust Him. Fight for what is right and good. Don’t ever give up. The battle is already won. Do whatever it takes… calling into work, taking a break from school, break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, be open with your family, read a blog, go on a mission trip, read your Bible, listen to worship music for hours, get on your hands and knees and cry out to God, love your neighbor, listen to podcasts, quit your job, BE UNCOMFORTABLE. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES FOR YOU TO DISCOVER CHRIST, the actual Christ. Not a make believe, only when convenient, world/flesh created idol named “Christ”. God never says anything about being comfortable with your life. If your life is “boring”, rediscover your actual beliefs… Jesus is everything but boring. I love the adventures, through rough and smooth, sad and happy, He is always there and always has a purpose for the situation. TAKE A STAND and discover this magnificent Everything. James 4:14 says “Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.”
